Loneliness is an emotion we’ve all basked in before. I have felt loneliness linger within me for a long time, whether I was by myself or surrounded by others. I’m sure several people can relate. Yes, companionship and relationships with those around us are imperative to a healthy happy life, but although physically we are not alone it is still possible to be mentally alone, even within a crowd of people. The words “solitude” and “loneliness” are NOT interchangeable. Spending time by ourselves does not mean we are lonely it means we are comfortable with our environment and inner psyche. If you quick google the definition of loneliness you will find synonyms like isolated, friendless, solitary, unloved, unaccompanied, but these words don’t exactly correlate with my interpretation of loneliness. I would use words like depressed, self-loathing, doubt, diffidence–words relating to a lack of confidence or self-love and appreciation. Often we associate loneliness with not being connected to others and although relationships are essential, the truth lies deeper than that. Loneliness is a disconnect within ourselves.

Yeah … woah.

To dissipate loneliness we have to look deeper, we must be transcendental thinkers. In order to understand the nature of reality we must truly analyze the reasoning of the process that controls those experiences. We all have individual lives and lives also composed of several communal relationships, but we must put aside the ego (self) and tribe (community) to ask the big, imperative questions. Questions like why are we here, how are we here, how long have we been here, and what is our purpose here?

Through self reflection and growth I have come to terms with my loneliness as it will always dwell somewhere inside, but I have also found many ways to minimize the power it governs over my life. Through the practice of meditation and self exploration there are 5 simple propositions that I have found to be extremely helpful in attaining self-love and depleting one’s self of true loneliness. I am not perfect, nor will anyone ever be, but we should at least be at ease with ourselves and be able to find comfort from within.

1. Define yourself. We must first figure out who we are and what we stand for. When you have a foundation of truth you begin to clarify your core values so that you can continue to follow them and find some sort of moral ruling or code to abide by. One’s actions should not conflict with their principles. This is as simple as figuring out passions, hobbies, things you like and dislike. By doing this you incorporate confidence into your personal views, and you stop molding yourself to fit the ideologies of others.
2. Embrace your purpose or life mission. We are all here to be a part of something bigger, to serve a higher purpose so what is yours? Seek truth through reflection and realize what you are here to do. If it is to share your knowledge become a teacher in all aspects of your life not only in a classroom, if you enjoy painting become an artist but incorporate that creativity into all things you do, and if it is to be a traveler do not only see the world but experience the journey. We all have a mission, it is not specifically written such as “be an accountant or a massage therapist” it is a personal mission only you can discover. If you go through life acting with the intent of completing your mission it will guide you towards a successful, fulfilling career and life. The universe provides to those who put all else aside to embrace their purpose, it will never fail you.
3. Build strong relationships. Relationships are imperative to happiness. Unity is the underlying force that brings us all together and it is an incredible feeling to revel in. But those relationships are not simply handed to us, or they will fester into toxicity. We must tend to our relationships with love and care. If you nurture your bonds (including those that relate to self) they will flourish and thrive like a seed in your garden. So pay attention more, listen more, TUNE IN to others. Actively listen without your response impeding on your mind, show eye contact, and observe the other person’s eye color or facial cues. It will make all the difference in your relationships when you are present in them, making the connection more authentic, thus making you less alone.
4. Be helpful. What is your talent? What can you give and provide to others? It doesn’t need to be extreme it could be the simple idea that you enjoy making pancakes, so why not have friends over every Sunday for a pancake breakfast. Volunteer, offer your skills and yourself to the people around you. Reach out more, do something nice for someone. Live out your purpose of serving this earth and the creatures that inhabit it or at least attempt to. In aiding others we service ourselves and no matter how selfish that sounds it is crucial. But keep in mind not to be a friendly narcissist. AKA someone who does things for others only when it conveniences or benefits them, this is not happiness instead this is what cultivates loneliness.
5. Always look forward to something. Don’t let your memories of the past out live your dreams and aspirations of the future. Hold your ambitions high, plan adventures, and have goals for yourself— this is where self-awareness defeats loneliness when you live in the present but for the future.

-with love, Zoie.